i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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