you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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