So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I want to have your abortion
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
