Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
