walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
