put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
