for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
