3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
