I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
