Plan B is the new Plan A
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
