my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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