her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
