i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
