You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My Higher Power is John Stamos
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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