I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
