2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
