well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
