you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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