the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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