Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
