my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
