you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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