God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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