I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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