If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
