is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like eating out sand paper
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
