a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
