Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
