WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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