Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
