I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
