So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
