My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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