We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
