nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
pray to the hookup gods
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
