You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
