I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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