I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
