im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
