My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
