the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i out mim tonsoeep
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
