I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
