My hand turned me down
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
