I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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