Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
