i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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