I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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