Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
