whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
