Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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