Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
