thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
