Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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