the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
