I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
