do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
