woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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