There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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