I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
