If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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