He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I smell stomach acid.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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